Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
