My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Randomize
