I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
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