Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
FUCK WHALES
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
