god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
