I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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