I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
