is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
He passed out mid-signature
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
