My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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