So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
