I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Randomize
