also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
