matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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