Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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