I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
