you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
