Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
