This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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