I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Randomize
