Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
