When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros�, bitch!
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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