I cannot find my penis.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
