What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I have feelings that need drinking.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
