I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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