We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Randomize
