K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
