I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
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