Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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