Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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