I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
