just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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