just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Alive.
So much puke
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
