mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I just googled if crying burns calories
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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