Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
