someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i will never coherently bang her
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
