they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
