But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
