So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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