I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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