Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
