I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
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