you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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