Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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