Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
