Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
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