i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
