i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
