What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Randomize
