you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
