That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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