Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
