i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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