He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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